NEWS FROM NEIL

Why Hiring a Housekeeper Can Actually Save You Money
Housekeepers often charge $75 or more to make a house-call. For this reason, many couples think they can’t afford one. But according to research for VoiceMale, paying a housekeeper may actually save you money in the long run. It may also save your marriage.

First, here’s why it can save your marriage. In my research, I asked 300 American husbands whether they and their wives were happy with the division of housework in their marriage. What I found was this: couples who argued frequently about the division of housework were less likely to have a satisfying sex life, more likely to be unhappily married, and more likely to separate or divorce. Hiring a housekeeper (as infrequently as once a month) cut down dramatically on arguments.

Now, here's why hiring a housekeeper could possibly even save you money. According to the VoiceMale Survey, couples who fought about housework were twice as likely to need marital counseling as those who did not. Marital counseling costs $100 an hour and up. Thus, at least in some cases, you can pay for a housekeeper now or a marriage counselor down the road.

How to Help a Spouse Whose Parent Has Died
It’s a painful time in the life of any couple: one partner loses a parent, and the other doesn’t know how to help. Based on my research for FatherLoss, here are three things you can do if your partner has recently lost a mother or father:

• Hold down the fort. Especially in the weeks just before and after the death, your partner’s normal routine will be disrupted. He or she may have to leave town abruptly or spend hours at a hospital. It helps when you take over household duties that he or she usually does.
• Anchor him/her emotionally. This is most often accomplished nonverbally: a hug, a smile, accompanying your spouse on errands. As one man put it to me: “She touched my arm. It was a light touch. The message was that she was with me.”
• Be available to talk. Some people, especially men, may be reluctant to talk, so don’t force it. You can help by being available to talk if your spouse wishes to. It’s best to say, “If you’d like to talk, I’ll be glad to listen,” not “I think you should talk.” Then, listen without judging your partner’s emotions, thoughts, or grieving process.