Men's Styles of Mourning

Dashers:
Often speed through their mourning.
Tend not to cry, but rather to create an intellectual framework to help them manage the loss.
Think their way through their grief.
Tend to be older men, experienced with loss.
More likely to have take action to prepare for father's death.

Delayers:
Did not have a powerful reaction in the short-term but months, years, or even decades later experienced mourning symptoms.
Heavy use of alcohol and other drugs is a common trait.
Men who lacked experience with major losses seem more likely to bury pain in the short-term.

Displayers:
Primary trait is powerful, acute emotional reaction to the death.
Men tend to feel flooded or overwhelmed.
Tend to experience grief as happening to them; they are not in control.
Months after the loss are emotionally erratic and draining.

Doers:
Deeply touched by the death, but not overwhelmed by emotions.
Focus on action doing things that consciously connect them with the memory of their father.
Often spend time with photos, tools, books, medals, and other mementoes.
Concept of honoring is often an inspiration for their actions.

 


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Copyright 2009 Neil Chethik